Poppy had a relative who was an eminent obstetrician in her country of origin and she arranged a telephone call with him to ask his advice. After sharing her test results with him the medical advice was to come to terms to terms with the fact that she would never be a mother.
Of course more distress and heartbreak piled on.
The emotions that came with this news were:
- Shame and guilt
Shame and guilt because years before she met her current husband in a previous marriage Poppy had had a termination. The stress of regretting her previous decisions and blaming herself for her situation was hell. A lonely, isolating purgatory.
Poppy needed someone to share this with and as we had established a relationship of trust, she was able to unburden herself by talking it through with me. There were a lot of hot angry tears, a lot of what if’s .. and a lot of letting go and healing involved in our sessions. I coached Poppy and believed if she did want to become a mother nothing and nobody should stand in her way of trying.
Poppy and her husband changed their lifestyles and had a very proactive approach to trying, against the odds, to have a baby. It was hard as Poppy was the higher earner in their relationship – but she reduced her working hours and stress and tried to focus on the quality of time she spent with her husband. After several months of focusing, sometimes not very romantically, on the fertile window that she had, Poppy had a positive pregnancy test. They were both overjoyed and in shock at the same time.
Her first trimester was one of nausea, tiredness and getting a little rounder in the tummy but she was like a warrior and took it all in her stride as she had wanted a baby so much. The twelve week scan ended in utter devastation there was no heartbeat and she had to wait 4 days for a termination of the child within her that no longer had life.
Heartbreak, grief, rage and deep deep sorrow spilled from her in our regular sessions together and again the guilt surfaced.
- Was it her fault?
- Punishment for the previous termination?
If you have been through this experience you will know the depths your soul can plunge to when you lose a child. You lose the hope and joy for that little person you wanted to desperately to welcome into your family.