Trying to Conceive – Emotions and The Five Elements

Emotions are classified into five predominant states: joy, rumination, sadness, fear, and anger. These states correspond to the five evolving elements of fire, earth, metal, water, and wood. The five emotions are generated by the activities of the five organ networks when they are stimulated by external change. Thus the emotions are a manifestation of the energy of the organ networks and may be thought of as the motivation energy of the body.
 
The continual shift of emotional states is a natural phenomenon. Most children embody this spontaneity, moving through and experiencing a range of feelings in a short period of time without getting stuck. However, dwelling on one particular emotion will disrupt the natural cycles of energy transformation and circulation within the body and throw stress upon the corresponding organ. If dwelling on one emotion continued to excess, the stress from imbalance can result in disease.

Emotions are classified into five predominant states: joy, rumination, sadness, fear, and anger

Anger, the emotion of the liver network, rises so that the energy is strongest in the head and shoulders. The nervous system, which corresponds with the wood element, extends the energy of the liver-gall-bladder network and developed like a tree. The rising motion of the liver’s energy can be seen when a person becomes angry, causing the blood to rush to the head and face, and the face becomes red. The energy from anger can be used constructively to get through a situation of persistent obstruction with confidence. However, high blood pressure, headaches, and pain in the neck, shoulders, and head may be the consequences of prolonged anger. In severe situations stroke and heart attack may result.
 
Joy, the emotion of the heart- small intestine network, concentrates energy in the chest, allowing the opening of our hearts to promote acceptance and love. Our indulging in happiness causes our heart energy to become dispersed, though, affecting the functions of the other organ networks as well. Imbalance arising from extreme joy and excitement may present abnormal heartbeat, palpitation, dizziness, tiredness, and in severe instances, fainting or loss of consciousness.
 
Grief or sadness is the emotion of the lung-large intestine network. Though the heaviest of all emotional energies, sadness produces tears that wash away pain, sorrow, and anguish. In healthy expressions, the tenderness of sadness promotes empathy, caring, and understanding, which bring out the humanity in all of us.
 
Fear, the emotion of the kidney-bladder network, concentrates this system’s energy downward to the abdomen and lower extremities. The abdomen is where one’s physical essence is stored and can be accessed. Therefore it is not surprising that far is the greatest motivator of human behaviour. Fear in excess creates paralysis rather than action, and is the single biggest obstacle to achieving our full potential. Extreme fear of pain can cause some people to become addicted to substances. And since fear drives energy downward, extreme fear can cause some people to involuntarily move their bowels or pass urine, and in severe cases they become incontinent. other symptoms of imbalance from fear include pain and weakness in the lower back and legs.
 
Rumination, the emotion of the spleen-pancreas-stomach network, concentrates energy within the brain. When we continually ponder problems, the most frequent symptom experienced is insomnia. In this case, the energy stays in the brain at night instead of following its normal course of descending to the lower part of the body, which allows us to sleep peacefully.
Worry, a variation of the energy of the spleen-pancreas-stomach network, coagulates energy so that the body becomes sluggish. When energy congeals from worry, we become unable to do even the smallest of tasks. When the spleen-pancreas-stomach network is unable to transform nutrients and transport waste freely, we become prone to digestive problems.

Is conceiving much harder than you ever anticipated?

My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing you with complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

Read More...

The Cost of ART

Assisted Reproductive Technology The desire to have a baby is a strong, primal, internal and somewhat unexplainable force that can come slowly or suddenly for

Choosing your fertility clinic

The most important thing you can do when making decisions about your fertility treatment is to ensure you are well informed. If the time has

Preparation for motherhood

During my 3 month programme if the woman happily becomes pregnant during that time I convert the remaining sessions to prenatal care. Many women choose

Linda Carter

Linda Carter

I am Linda Carter, a fertility-support coach who works with couples and individuals, like you, who are wishing to start a family but are having challenges conceiving.

Your top priority is to become pregnant and have a healthy baby, but you’re confused by conflicting information and who to trust.

Every month, the two-week wait before your pregnancy test is filled with worry and anxiety. You feel like you are losing hope and are physically and emotionally exhausted.

I’ve worked with couples who were told they could never have a baby and now have their much-longed for child. I combine my 20+ years of experience with the vital latest developments in technology and research in this expanding field. My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

From no hope to healthy baby.

Many of my clients come to me after they’ve been told there is no hope or possibility to have a baby and their fertility results indicate their chances of conceiving are very low.

We put together a positive strategy that helped them move forward and have a healthy baby.

Esther and Donor Insemination

Past relationships can block our future like a concrete boulder. When relationships don’t work out the way we had hoped men and women can spend years protecting themselves sometimes subconsciously. Not entering into a new relationship in an attempt to resist future hurt.

Esther fell in love at 19 and after a few years hoped to get married and start a family as this had always been her heart’s desire. A lot of time and life experiences passed and by the time she was 27 her family and friends said if he could not commit after 8 years, to share a home together, get engaged or married, he probably would not ever be ready.

"If he could not commit after 8 years, to share a home together, get engaged or married, he probably would not ever be ready."

Marriage is not necessary for everyone but for Esther it meant a public declaration witnessed in front of friends and family it was important to her.

She kept hoping …….. for another 2 years and when they had spent 10 years together since meeting at university with no ‘development’ in her opinion she felt the time had come to listen to her heart and give him an ultimatum either he wanted the same as her or she would walk away.

It was not a threat to make him take action, she knew in her heart they would separate, but a small voice of self worth hoped he would surprise her and propose.

He did not, they went their separate ways when she was 29.

She spent her 30th birthday very very depressed and spent a tremendous amount of energy putting a smile on her face for the sake of others.

Her self esteem was on the floor she was utterly depressed and very sad.

This grief and sorrow scarred her for 12 years she could not face opening her heart again, she was bereft.

She found herself at 41 years old fully aware of the decline of her fertility and ironically having worked as a specialist nurse in a high dependency baby care unit which made the heartbreak even harder to bear.

Can you imagine feeling like this and spending all your working time with babies?

Esther was a wonderful and loving godmother and aunt to many children which was really hard, she often used to go home after a Sunday lunch or family gathering and sob for hours.

She made a huge decision and began working with me on the recommendation of a friend. Esther decided to start her journey as a solo parent with donor insemination.

We identified she

  • Needed to off load a lot of old stuck emotions
  • Grieve what she felt she had missed out on
  • Felt a sense of panic about her age
  • Wanted to find a way to tell her close family
  • Must choose a donor as soon as possible that could give her a Jewish donor
  • Had to deal with taking time off work without telling people why

We decide to work together for 3 months initially as she felt she had a lot to do and needed constant support to

  • Choose a clinic that she had faith in
  • Prepare her body for the insemination
  • Balance her work and the time she needed to improve her health
  • Regain her confidence
  • Have a constant confidential companion on this journey

Esther decided the first thing she wanted to do was to tell her family, her mother, father and two brothers whilst her parents thought is was rather unconventional they understood that she needed to take this action for herself.

(Her mother had always said rather unkindly she had ‘wasted 20 years of her life with her boyfriend 10 waiting and 10 sulking’) Her father thought it all ‘very unnatural’ So those conversations were short.

He brothers surprised her and were incredibly supportive and loving.

She decided to use a US based based sperm bank and was fairly stressed about everything to begin with

  • Talking openly to her fertility clinic
  • Sitting in a waiting room full of couples and pregnant women was unbearable
  • Having tests and procedures was very embarrassing for her
  • Not telling friends what she was doing felt secretive in a negative way and she felt very alone and isolated
  • Lying to superiors at work about why she needed time off
  • Juggling all her hospital appointments
  • Thinking about if she should keep dating?

The first time she used her donor sperm she had IVF and she hated it. Hated the way the drugs made her feel, hated the injections, felt disappointed with her egg retrieval and felt stressed trying to achieve all this whilst taking her annual holiday. The pregnancy test was negative and she was crushingly disappointed.

The second cycle she felt “persuaded” by the doctors to do IVF again due to her age now (42) to achieve the best outcome. It was a repeat of the first cycle except worse because they increased all the stimulation in an attempt to get more eggs.
A negative result, all annual holiday spent and a big hole in her savings account.

So what purpose did our work together serve? Esther was understandably very depressed and angry that she did not get pregnant but she also was blocked. She felt less than, not good enough, bad, wrong, rejected and judged, miserable and full of suppressed rage. Life felt unfair to her and she had been a compliant people pleaser for years and making a change was something that felt like an uphill struggle.

We talked about everything that she had kept buried for years. How she felt very pressured by her mother to be a ‘good girl’ and had unrealistic expectations from her father to be his ‘perfect little princess’.

Esther felt that had affected why she stayed in her first relationship for so long not able to voice what her needs were, instead always wanting desperately to be enough and loved.

She had studied long and hard to be a nurse then specialised and worked in an emotionally difficult field with babies in a high dependency unit.

She never expressed herself, always soldered on while inside she was withering and deeply depressed.

We talked and talked, she was brave and courageous and dug deep into her past experiences in order to let go.

A couple of paragraphs cannot adequately describe the work we did together I could write pages.

We discussed how she felt about moving forward to try to have a baby again. She decided to take a few months to heal physically and mentally against the advice of the fertility clinic as she was getting older and her chances were diminishing.

Is conceiving much harder than you ever anticipated?

My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing you with complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

Read More...

The Cost of ART

Assisted Reproductive Technology The desire to have a baby is a strong, primal, internal and somewhat unexplainable force that can come slowly or suddenly for

Choosing your fertility clinic

The most important thing you can do when making decisions about your fertility treatment is to ensure you are well informed. If the time has

Preparation for motherhood

During my 3 month programme if the woman happily becomes pregnant during that time I convert the remaining sessions to prenatal care. Many women choose

Linda Carter

Linda Carter

I am Linda Carter, a fertility-support coach who works with couples and individuals, like you, who are wishing to start a family but are having challenges conceiving.

Your top priority is to become pregnant and have a healthy baby, but you’re confused by conflicting information and who to trust.

Every month, the two-week wait before your pregnancy test is filled with worry and anxiety. You feel like you are losing hope and are physically and emotionally exhausted.

I’ve worked with couples who were told they could never have a baby and now have their much-longed for child. I combine my 20+ years of experience with the vital latest developments in technology and research in this expanding field. My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

From no hope to healthy baby.

Many of my clients come to me after they’ve been told there is no hope or possibility to have a baby and their fertility results indicate their chances of conceiving are very low.

We put together a positive strategy that helped them move forward and have a healthy baby.

Ayesha’s Secondary infertility “Just be happy with one”

Sometimes I have a long relationship with my clients as I have been working for over 20 years as a fertility specialist.

I may meet a woman when she has irregular, painful periods or PCOS and she wants to look at nutrition and lifestyle advice to help balance or regain her menstrual cycle once this improves I may not see her for years until the time comes when she wants to think about her fertility in a more focused way.

Ayesha came to me when she had been on the contraceptive pill (for 15 years) but not currently in a relationship, we had a general discussion about her health and what she wanted in the future.

Like many single women I see she wanted to be in a loving relationship but despite dating and keeping an open attitude to who she may meet she was alone and lonely. She decided to stop taking the pill as she had taken it initially for her problematic skin and we discussed that it was a strong medicine, that required mandatory liver testing every 6 months, and the effects of this should be considered.

"Like many single women I see she wanted to be in a loving relationship but despite dating and keeping an open attitude to who she may meet she was alone and lonely."

Happily things took a positive turn and she began a relationship with someone who had been a very close friend it was strange in some ways but also wonderful as they already had a deep friendship and understood each other.

Ayesha wanted to start a family and although it went against her cultural and family background to do this before she was married she recognized she was approaching her 37th birthday had an extremely busy and responsible job in finance and had to travel abroad for her job so she wanted to have a realistic overview of her health and fertility.

I recommended she went to see an excellent gynaecologist to assess her hormones and fertility and we started a programme to help reduce stress and support her sleep. She worked a little less, as late nights at the office (and weekend sometimes) did not seem as attractive as being with her partner and enjoying downtime and some self care.

After 6 months with both herself and her boyfriend improving their lifestyles they had the wonderful news that she was pregnant.

Their first child was born by an elective c-section and the family were delighted and her parents had already planned the wedding with followed a few months later.

I saw such an amazing transformation in this woman from someone who was a person who worked in finance and operated in a very masculine/yang way, who had previously not shown much interest in children, to a wonderful, loving mother who was certain that she wanted to add to her family and have a sibling for her first born son.

As she was 38 when she gave birth the first time she wanted to give her body time to recover from the pregnancy and c section so when her son was 18 months she started to think about her second child. She and her now husband expected the second child to come as easily as the first but this did not happen.

After extensive testing over several months she discovered that there were complications that had arisen from internal scar tissue after her c section.

Our work together focused on supporting her through:

  • Anger and disbelief that this was happening to her
    Panic that time would run out
  • Blame she felt lay at the hands of the person who carried out her C section
  • Resentment of all her pregnant friends and women who had 2 or 3 children whilst she struggled
  • Confusion about which route to pursue

She commented many times how glad she was that we had an established working relationship and she could be honest about her thoughts and feelings no matter (in her words) how bitter and ugly they were.

After 18 months and

  • 2 operations
  • 3 fertility clinics
  • 4 IUI’s
  • 2 IVF cycles

A positive pregnancy test finally came. My role during that 18 months of treatment was to provide a safe space to express her

  • Disappointment of her husband that he did not seem to want it as much as her.
  • Frustration at the lack of care and continuity from fertility clinics
  • Stress of the two week wait
  • Sadness and despair when the pregnancy test was negative
  • Envy of her friends giving birth all around her.

The pregnancy continued and her 12 week scan was scheduled by the hospital on her 40th birthday it felt like such a landmark.

She was alone when the news was delivered that there was no heartbeat after repeated attempts to find a sign of life the baby had suffered a fetal death.

It is impossible to convey to you the grief and devastation she felt on that day and for months to follow. Our sessions together now incorporate grief counselling and dealing with the trauma of receiving a letter from her insurers stating a charge for a “spontaneous termination”
This is something she felt you elected to do – a choice not a reflection of the soul that had cruelly been snatched away from her.

How does one begin to recover from this? How do you go on?
How to shower and dress and face the day?

She did because she had her first child to consider and she felt immense guilt and even shame she was not being the mother she should be to him.

Again this was the focus of our weekly sessions – how to recover? How to continue for the sake of her child and her marriage?

I can honestly say I am extremely proud of our work together as I was one of the only people who allowed her to express herself over the next 2 years of her fertility journey when she said “ I just know … I just know there is another soul out there for me. I know I will be a mother again.

I understand how heartbreaking and painful it was for her husband, mother and 2 brothers and they witnessed the pain, disappointment and heartbreak of more attempts at IVF and IUI ending in negative results.

They told her to stop to give up.

Plus a grandmother that said “It is because you had an illegitimate child God is punishing you” and another friend who said “I don’t understand why you wasted all that money – just be happy with one!”

One can hardly imagine the stress and trauma felt by this woman.

During these 2 years we focused on healing, we decided to think again about achieving another pregnancy. She felt this was her last chance and she wanted to ‘throw everything at it.”
I encouraged her to do that but also to make sure she had time for her relationship and her son. This was not an easy journey but she never gave up she felt in the depth of her heart she would have another child.

She took everything on board

  • Massage
  • Guided visualization
  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Acupuncture
  • Extensive nutritional support

She did several more rounds of IVF and IUI and then decided she was done with hospitals, doctors and clinics. No more treatments, no more injections, no more hormones, no more hospital appointments but she did have a strong unshakable belief she would have another child

2 years after the tragic loss of her baby at 12 weeks she had a positive pregnancy result and shortly after her 43rd birthday gave birth to a beautiful healthy daughter.

I cried when I saw that baby I cried tears of joy and I admire the fact she stayed true to her intuition.

Is conceiving much harder than you ever anticipated?

My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing you with complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

Read More...

The Cost of ART

Assisted Reproductive Technology The desire to have a baby is a strong, primal, internal and somewhat unexplainable force that can come slowly or suddenly for

Choosing your fertility clinic

The most important thing you can do when making decisions about your fertility treatment is to ensure you are well informed. If the time has

Preparation for motherhood

During my 3 month programme if the woman happily becomes pregnant during that time I convert the remaining sessions to prenatal care. Many women choose

Linda Carter

Linda Carter

I am Linda Carter, a fertility-support coach who works with couples and individuals, like you, who are wishing to start a family but are having challenges conceiving.

Your top priority is to become pregnant and have a healthy baby, but you’re confused by conflicting information and who to trust.

Every month, the two-week wait before your pregnancy test is filled with worry and anxiety. You feel like you are losing hope and are physically and emotionally exhausted.

I’ve worked with couples who were told they could never have a baby and now have their much-longed for child. I combine my 20+ years of experience with the vital latest developments in technology and research in this expanding field. My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

From no hope to healthy baby.

Many of my clients come to me after they’ve been told there is no hope or possibility to have a baby and their fertility results indicate their chances of conceiving are very low.

We put together a positive strategy that helped them move forward and have a healthy baby.

Case Study: Poppy and her guilt of a termination

Poppy came to see me when her and her husband felt the ‘should’ try to have a baby, not because they felt it was the perfect time but because she was 39 and her biological clock was ticking.

They would have liked to be in a better financial position, had a bigger apartment, had some more savings and felt more prepared but knew that it was coming to the ‘now or never’ point in their relationship and they better get on with it.

This was not a fairytale – it was reality.

"I suggested the first thing to do was to get fertility tests for both of them"

Poppy asked for my advice and I suggested the first thing to do was to get fertility tests for both of them. This has a dual purpose of having the laboratory result and also focusing the mind to realize what the odds are today.

The results were distressing her Anti Mullairan Hormone blood test indicated she had an almost zero chance of conceiving. I always caution clients not to look at this result in isolation.

Poppy had a relative who was an eminent obstetrician in her country of origin and she arranged a telephone call with him to ask his advice. After sharing her test results with him the medical advice was to come to terms to terms with the fact that she would never be a mother.

"The medical advice was to come to terms with the fact that she would never be a mother"

Poppy had a relative who was an eminent obstetrician in her country of origin and she arranged a telephone call with him to ask his advice. After sharing her test results with him the medical advice was to come to terms to terms with the fact that she would never be a mother.

Of course more distress and heartbreak piled on.

The emotions that came with this news were:

  • Disbelief
  • Confusion
  • Anger
  • Resentment
  • Rage
  • Heartbreak
  • Sorrow
  • Grief
  • Shame and guilt

Shame and guilt because years before she met her current husband in a previous marriage Poppy had had a termination. The stress of regretting her previous decisions and blaming herself for her situation was hell. A lonely, isolating purgatory.

Poppy needed someone to share this with and as we had established a relationship of trust, she was able to unburden herself by talking it through with me. There were a lot of hot angry tears, a lot of what if’s .. and a lot of letting go and healing involved in our sessions. I coached Poppy and believed if she did want to become a mother nothing and nobody should stand in her way of trying.

Poppy and her husband changed their lifestyles and had a very proactive approach to trying, against the odds, to have a baby. It was hard as Poppy was the higher earner in their relationship – but she reduced her working hours and stress and tried to focus on the quality of time she spent with her husband. After several months of focusing, sometimes not very romantically, on the fertile window that she had, Poppy had a positive pregnancy test. They were both overjoyed and in shock at the same time.

Her first trimester was one of nausea, tiredness and getting a little rounder in the tummy but she was like a warrior and took it all in her stride as she had wanted a baby so much. The twelve week scan ended in utter devastation there was no heartbeat and she had to wait 4 days for a termination of the child within her that no longer had life.

Heartbreak, grief, rage and deep deep sorrow spilled from her in our regular sessions together and again the guilt surfaced.

  • Was it her fault?
  • Punishment for the previous termination?

If you have been through this experience you will know the depths your soul can plunge to when you lose a child. You lose the hope and joy for that little person you wanted to desperately to welcome into your family.

"If you have been through this, you will know the depths your soul can plunge to when you lose a child"

She talked to me honestly about her feelings and cried a lot during our sessions. Her mother, to whom she was close, lived in her country of origin and she had decided not to tell her about the pregnancy until after her 12 week scan so she did not have that support to turn to. She felt utterly alone and devastated.

I am a certified grief counsellor and this is one of the occasions where through that additional experience I was able to professionally counsel her myself without her having to seek out another professional when she was feeling raw and shattered. I already had a full case history of her and her partner so the need to explain the whole story to a new person was not necessary. Poppy said many times this was something very valuable to her.

After several months, being able to slowly heal and the support of a good GP (Primary Care Physician) picking up the pieces and dealing with her grief Poppy decided to try to conceive again against all the odds.

Poppy was able to apply for IVF on the NHS in the UK.

There was both a time and geographical limit to 1 round of IVF free of charge and we prepared her mind, body and spirit to let go of guilt and shame and to accept that she was worthy of becoming a mother and had a lot to offer.

"Their daughter is the light of their lives and I feel pure joy every time I see her."

The very first cycle of IVF resulted in a positive pregnancy test and of course the first 12 weeks were filled with trepidation and they could not allow themselves to believe it would work out. Happily everything went well and after a healthy pregnancy she gave birth to a beautiful daughter.


It took great courage to keep going and the couple both said the confidential coaching and support I provided played a huge part in giving them a clear direction of what choices they had going forward. Their daughter is the light of their lives and I feel pure joy every time I see her.

Is conceiving much harder than you ever anticipated?

My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing you with complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

Read More...

The Cost of ART

Assisted Reproductive Technology The desire to have a baby is a strong, primal, internal and somewhat unexplainable force that can come slowly or suddenly for

Choosing your fertility clinic

The most important thing you can do when making decisions about your fertility treatment is to ensure you are well informed. If the time has

Preparation for motherhood

During my 3 month programme if the woman happily becomes pregnant during that time I convert the remaining sessions to prenatal care. Many women choose

Linda Carter

Linda Carter

I am Linda Carter, a fertility-support coach who works with couples and individuals, like you, who are wishing to start a family but are having challenges conceiving.

Your top priority is to become pregnant and have a healthy baby, but you’re confused by conflicting information and who to trust.

Every month, the two-week wait before your pregnancy test is filled with worry and anxiety. You feel like you are losing hope and are physically and emotionally exhausted.

I’ve worked with couples who were told they could never have a baby and now have their much-longed for child. I combine my 20+ years of experience with the vital latest developments in technology and research in this expanding field. My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

From no hope to healthy baby.

Many of my clients come to me after they’ve been told there is no hope or possibility to have a baby and their fertility results indicate their chances of conceiving are very low.

We put together a positive strategy that helped them move forward and have a healthy baby.