Case Study: Poppy and her guilt of a termination

Poppy came to see me when her and her husband felt the ‘should’ try to have a baby, not because they felt it was the perfect time but because she was 39 and her biological clock was ticking.

They would have liked to be in a better financial position, had a bigger apartment, had some more savings and felt more prepared but knew that it was coming to the ‘now or never’ point in their relationship and they better get on with it.

This was not a fairytale – it was reality.

"I suggested the first thing to do was to get fertility tests for both of them"

Poppy asked for my advice and I suggested the first thing to do was to get fertility tests for both of them. This has a dual purpose of having the laboratory result and also focusing the mind to realize what the odds are today.

The results were distressing her Anti Mullairan Hormone blood test indicated she had an almost zero chance of conceiving. I always caution clients not to look at this result in isolation.

Poppy had a relative who was an eminent obstetrician in her country of origin and she arranged a telephone call with him to ask his advice. After sharing her test results with him the medical advice was to come to terms to terms with the fact that she would never be a mother.

"The medical advice was to come to terms with the fact that she would never be a mother"

Poppy had a relative who was an eminent obstetrician in her country of origin and she arranged a telephone call with him to ask his advice. After sharing her test results with him the medical advice was to come to terms to terms with the fact that she would never be a mother.

Of course more distress and heartbreak piled on.

The emotions that came with this news were:

  • Disbelief
  • Confusion
  • Anger
  • Resentment
  • Rage
  • Heartbreak
  • Sorrow
  • Grief
  • Shame and guilt

Shame and guilt because years before she met her current husband in a previous marriage Poppy had had a termination. The stress of regretting her previous decisions and blaming herself for her situation was hell. A lonely, isolating purgatory.

Poppy needed someone to share this with and as we had established a relationship of trust, she was able to unburden herself by talking it through with me. There were a lot of hot angry tears, a lot of what if’s .. and a lot of letting go and healing involved in our sessions. I coached Poppy and believed if she did want to become a mother nothing and nobody should stand in her way of trying.

Poppy and her husband changed their lifestyles and had a very proactive approach to trying, against the odds, to have a baby. It was hard as Poppy was the higher earner in their relationship – but she reduced her working hours and stress and tried to focus on the quality of time she spent with her husband. After several months of focusing, sometimes not very romantically, on the fertile window that she had, Poppy had a positive pregnancy test. They were both overjoyed and in shock at the same time.

Her first trimester was one of nausea, tiredness and getting a little rounder in the tummy but she was like a warrior and took it all in her stride as she had wanted a baby so much. The twelve week scan ended in utter devastation there was no heartbeat and she had to wait 4 days for a termination of the child within her that no longer had life.

Heartbreak, grief, rage and deep deep sorrow spilled from her in our regular sessions together and again the guilt surfaced.

  • Was it her fault?
  • Punishment for the previous termination?

If you have been through this experience you will know the depths your soul can plunge to when you lose a child. You lose the hope and joy for that little person you wanted to desperately to welcome into your family.

"If you have been through this, you will know the depths your soul can plunge to when you lose a child"

She talked to me honestly about her feelings and cried a lot during our sessions. Her mother, to whom she was close, lived in her country of origin and she had decided not to tell her about the pregnancy until after her 12 week scan so she did not have that support to turn to. She felt utterly alone and devastated.

I am a certified grief counsellor and this is one of the occasions where through that additional experience I was able to professionally counsel her myself without her having to seek out another professional when she was feeling raw and shattered. I already had a full case history of her and her partner so the need to explain the whole story to a new person was not necessary. Poppy said many times this was something very valuable to her.

After several months, being able to slowly heal and the support of a good GP (Primary Care Physician) picking up the pieces and dealing with her grief Poppy decided to try to conceive again against all the odds.

Poppy was able to apply for IVF on the NHS in the UK.

There was both a time and geographical limit to 1 round of IVF free of charge and we prepared her mind, body and spirit to let go of guilt and shame and to accept that she was worthy of becoming a mother and had a lot to offer.

"Their daughter is the light of their lives and I feel pure joy every time I see her."

The very first cycle of IVF resulted in a positive pregnancy test and of course the first 12 weeks were filled with trepidation and they could not allow themselves to believe it would work out. Happily everything went well and after a healthy pregnancy she gave birth to a beautiful daughter.


It took great courage to keep going and the couple both said the confidential coaching and support I provided played a huge part in giving them a clear direction of what choices they had going forward. Their daughter is the light of their lives and I feel pure joy every time I see her.

Is conceiving much harder than you ever anticipated?

My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing you with complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

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Linda Carter

Linda Carter

I am Linda Carter, a fertility-support coach who works with couples and individuals, like you, who are wishing to start a family but are having challenges conceiving.

Your top priority is to become pregnant and have a healthy baby, but you’re confused by conflicting information and who to trust.

Every month, the two-week wait before your pregnancy test is filled with worry and anxiety. You feel like you are losing hope and are physically and emotionally exhausted.

I’ve worked with couples who were told they could never have a baby and now have their much-longed for child. I combine my 20+ years of experience with the vital latest developments in technology and research in this expanding field. My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

From no hope to healthy baby.

Many of my clients come to me after they’ve been told there is no hope or possibility to have a baby and their fertility results indicate their chances of conceiving are very low.

We put together a positive strategy that helped them move forward and have a healthy baby.

Trying to get pregnant and kicking yourself for letting too much time go by?

Everyone can feel time pressures in life. Too much to do, not enough time to do it in but when it comes to trying to conceiving I believe that the thought that you have wasted time needs to be dealt with.

"The thought that you have wasted time has to be dealt with..."

You may feel

  • you have wasted time in previous relationships
  • you have wasted time before seeking additional support or advice if you have not fallen pregnant within a few months
  • angry, frustrated and resentful that you pursued treatments that did not bring you the results you had desired.
  • you shouldn’t have done IUI when you could have gone straight to IVF
  • you shouldn’t have listened to your friends and family who suggested to just give it a bit longer?

We live in such a speeded up age and people are in general are frantic about time.

I will encourage you to look at where you are right now. If you are constantly rushing towards the future then are you missing this present moment.

Sometimes it is important to have an outlet for your feelings, to grieve the things that have gone, to share them, to let off steam, to express how you feel in order to bring you to this present moment.

I can

  • teach you some centring techniques
  • devise a tailor-made meditation for you so that you are able to let go of resentment of the past
    to be fully in this present moment
  • help you feel optimistic about your future.
  • help you feel more able to cope with whatever comes your way.
  • Ease your frustrations and self judgement
  • save you time, save you heartache

Is conceiving much harder than you ever anticipated?

My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing you with complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

Read More...

The Cost of ART

Assisted Reproductive Technology The desire to have a baby is a strong, primal, internal and somewhat unexplainable force that can come slowly or suddenly for

Choosing your fertility clinic

The most important thing you can do when making decisions about your fertility treatment is to ensure you are well informed. If the time has

Preparation for motherhood

During my 3 month programme if the woman happily becomes pregnant during that time I convert the remaining sessions to prenatal care. Many women choose

Linda Carter

Linda Carter

I am Linda Carter, a fertility-support coach who works with couples and individuals, like you, who are wishing to start a family but are having challenges conceiving.

Your top priority is to become pregnant and have a healthy baby, but you’re confused by conflicting information and who to trust.

Every month, the two-week wait before your pregnancy test is filled with worry and anxiety. You feel like you are losing hope and are physically and emotionally exhausted.

I’ve worked with couples who were told they could never have a baby and now have their much-longed for child. I combine my 20+ years of experience with the vital latest developments in technology and research in this expanding field. My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

From no hope to healthy baby.

Many of my clients come to me after they’ve been told there is no hope or possibility to have a baby and their fertility results indicate their chances of conceiving are very low.

We put together a positive strategy that helped them move forward and have a healthy baby.

Is Trying to Get Pregnant Making You Feel Out of Control?

Is_trying_to_get_pregnant_making_you_feel_out_of_control-01

I’ve worked with hundreds of women who desperately want to have a baby.


They come to the right point in their life and if they don’t get pregnant immediately, they can’t believe it.

It may be the first time they haven’t been about to achieve the goal they’ve been going after. For the first time, they’re dealing with something out of their control.

"The amount of stress anxiety and tension that can build up within the physical body actually is detrimental to conception..."

You’ve done everything you were supposed to:

  • Studied and done well in your education,
  • Secured a good job through hard work,
  • Followed your career path with effort and determination to achieve what you want

However your body it’s not responding the way you want. It may be the first time you find yourself unable to work hard and focus to get what you want.

The amount of stress anxiety and tension that can build up within the physical body actually is in itself detrimental to conception, however one cannot help the way they are and sometimes you need guidance, advice and to be pointed in the right direction.

There may be additional services or support you need such as

  • taking some time off from a high-pressure job
  • getting a fertility massage
  • making your commute easier
  • being in nature
  • visiting an art gallery
  • getting together with friends – laughter is very healing.
  • escaping from your thoughts at the cinema
  • do something that feeds your soul and giving yourself a break

In this day and age most women are their hardest taskmasters and sometimes we need to be reminded and given permission to do nothing – you’re not wasting your time you are investing in your health

Contact me now and know

  • You have a constant companion in me
  • All the emotions you are feeling are normal
  • There are ways to make this easier
  • I have the experience and expertise to help you.

Is conceiving much harder than you ever anticipated?

My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing you with complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

Read More...

The Cost of ART

Assisted Reproductive Technology The desire to have a baby is a strong, primal, internal and somewhat unexplainable force that can come slowly or suddenly for

Choosing your fertility clinic

The most important thing you can do when making decisions about your fertility treatment is to ensure you are well informed. If the time has

Preparation for motherhood

During my 3 month programme if the woman happily becomes pregnant during that time I convert the remaining sessions to prenatal care. Many women choose

Linda Carter

Linda Carter

I am Linda Carter, a fertility-support coach who works with couples and individuals, like you, who are wishing to start a family but are having challenges conceiving.

Your top priority is to become pregnant and have a healthy baby, but you’re confused by conflicting information and who to trust.

Every month, the two-week wait before your pregnancy test is filled with worry and anxiety. You feel like you are losing hope and are physically and emotionally exhausted.

I’ve worked with couples who were told they could never have a baby and now have their much-longed for child. I combine my 20+ years of experience with the vital latest developments in technology and research in this expanding field. My integrated approach looks at your current physical and emotional state, while providing complete confidentiality and support during one of the most difficult challenges of your life.

From no hope to healthy baby.

Many of my clients come to me after they’ve been told there is no hope or possibility to have a baby and their fertility results indicate their chances of conceiving are very low.

We put together a positive strategy that helped them move forward and have a healthy baby.